Not really a post about what I've been doing but rather a personal entry on my thoughts about my sabbatical...
So as I said in the last post....lots of changes....I think the changes are bigger than I realize honestly. It's one of those things where when you see someone every day you don't notice the changes as much as if you haven't seen them for a long time and then bam! You notice everything.
It seems normal and natural to be getting married and living in Peru and yet when I think about it.....what in the world about that is normal? I am now 35 years old. I have had several careers and traveled the world, but when I left none of this was on my mind. I don't even recongize the person I was August 07. I remember that I was holding on to life very tightly. I was in a rut. I had turned from a rainbow into a raincloud....nothing but grey. Now I am back to living in technicolor. It's not that I was doing something wrong necessarily but it was time to dig deep, roll the dice and lay it all on the line.
It was so unlike the old me to quit a job, a good job without a plan...NO PLAN. I like to have a plan and a backup plan and possibly a backup for the backup plan. It was a tough decision at the time, but everything in me knew that I had to make a major change. Not in my occupation, but in myself. I had been a workaholic. My perfectionism, which I prefer to call "striving for excellence" had gotten in the way of living a balanced and happy life. Balance is something I have been searching for probably for the last 10 years. There were a couple of years when I thought I had it figured out, but somehow I always slipped back into the same rut. Ministry seems to have this pattern. We help other and end up neglecting ourselves. I keep trying to live the truth that God love me first....not what I do in God's name. I am....not what I do. It seems so simple yet, at least for me has been a lifetime of learning.
The real blessing was that I was in a position to bungeejump into the unknown. I didn't have any debt other than my house. I had savings, and I arranged it to rent my house and store my possessions. At the time it seemed crazy, impossible, irresponsible. Could I really just drop everything and not get another job and just....take some time off? It appears so. With the amazing support of key people in my life I found the strength to answer the call. I knew in my soul God was leading me. My parents have been unbelievable. Without their time and effort it definitely wouldn't have been possible. My spiritual director helped me listen to God's leaning in my voice and trust the answers I was given and Molly and Clare encouraged my wandering spirit and let me talk through the options. So many things had to converge to make it all possible. It was as if I planned it all along...but surely it wasn't me. I just stopped long enough to listen and found the strength to follow through.
I am so much healthier now in every way. I had to get really sick in the process to discover new health and I'm so thankful to feel better and have answers to what was ailing me. Peru has also been a blessing in this area because a big key to what I was ailing me was what I was eating. It's much easier to follow my new diet here with fresh veggie, fruit and meat and fish. There is no fast food here and very few processed foods.
Okay well....time for bed. Part II...stay tuned.
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