Okay, so maybe I have gone on about this subject enough. However, I really feel that for such a major life change, I want to make sure I don't miss or forget the significant lessons. Most people who know me can attest to the fact that I am a new and improved version of myself. This is so fulfilling and rewarding. When I embarked on this journey I really didn't have any outcome in mind. I just wanted---out. I think things happen slowly, over time and then you wake up one day and you don't know how you got where you are. Sometimes you're happy with it and sometimes you're not. I was at the NOT stage. I had become enveloped in an endless cycle of trying to better institutions, the Catholic church, help young people and have a life in Boise. Some part of the equation just wasn't working. I was overweigh, lacking in my usual sparkle and worst of all, I think I had become jaded. I have always been an optimist. However, overtime I felt beat down and defeated. No matter how hard I tried. I didn't seem to get where I wanted or to find joy in what I was doing. Don't get me wrong. I love serving other people. I love helping them in all sorts of ways, but professionally I just wasn't able to express that person.
Anyway, I feel that now, at least for now. I am in a good space. It may seem drastically different and unlike me, but maybe that is the point. At least for now. I have a very simple existence and yet it is fulfilling. I am not stressed out all the time and working to fulfill the demands of others in my day. I get to eat well, exercise and I still find ways to be of service to others. Living abroad is hard on relationships. It has been hard for me to find what I would call friends. I have found lots of really nice people and for an extrovert like me that is crucial. However it's not the same as having a good friend you can share anything with and just go do something at random. So I have felt a little lonely at times. However the internet and skype has helped me stay in contact with those lifelong friends and my family. I feel I may be in contact with my family more than before.
The domestic part of me has been interesting to explore. I like it most of the time but I would give anything for a dishwasher. Thank goodness washing is one thing Richard likes to do and is good at so he is the official washer, although I do it more than he does because he works so much. He does help out with dishes and laundry. I have been able to form a good friendship with Richard's family and I feel in some ways I am good for them. Also something happened just this weekend.
Richard is taking classes to be Confirmed in the Catholic Church so we can get married in the RCC. So every Saturday for 8 weeks we have been going. This last week we met a couple who were there for the first time. We then saw them the next day at Mass. We ended up going to the beach with them and spent the whole day. It's a long story but basically she asked me to be her godmother for her baptism, which was today. They are getting married on Friday.
So, staying open to possibility, to relationship to have the ability to say yes and to find joy wherever possible. I think the intensity at which I was living was just not good for me or the type of work. I am not sure, whichever. There is a season for everything and I am in a season of balance and finding new meanings in life. I am thankful for Richard and he always makes me laugh which is invaluable and we are having fun together. It's still weird how it all worked out, but why not!
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