So, here is the scoop. I am 36 years old and married 6 months now. I just completed 2 years here in Peru and I am now 20 weeks pregnant.......seriously?
The entire last few years has been an undescribable experience. I mean, my life now is nothing like it has been. I really just threw caution to the wind and instead of planning and organizing and knowing the next step. I have just taken one thing at a time and dealt with life as it comes. At first it was scary and then it was fun and now.......it's just weird.
I think the subconsciously I think I'll just magically appear in my "old life". I mean no one goes on sabbatical thinking that their life will radically change. I had no goals of achievement, just to be, to let go and to experience. Well.......life sure happened.
It has been a bigger transition into my life this year than I thought it would be, but sometimes if we know the final costs of something or the struggles maybe we are less likely to leap. So, given our ages and such we planned on getting pregnant ASAP. However, I really never expected that it would happen that quickly. I mean many people struggle and of course the dreaded...after 35....blah blah. So when I got pregnant 2 months after the wedding, we were both in shock.
I can't tell you how weird it is being pregnant. It's not really something that I ever paid a lot of attention to honestly. I mean....it was there in the background, but not anything I really thought out. I think being an older parent is also really different. I mean it's just been me for the past 15 years. Miss Independent me. Going where I want, doing what I want. Achieving, succeeding, giving, learning. So much of my life was focused on my ministry.
So, suddenly being struck with bizarre changes in my body and constant nausea and headaches and extreme fatigue was a major "out of control" experience. So much of my story the past couple of years has been about surrender. Well.....welcome to the next level. Your body is not your own and you have no control over what's happening to it. You're on this treadmill and there is no getting off. You just go with the changes as they come and deal with things moment to moment. I mean, if I read it in a book or on the internet as "normal" it pretty much happened to me, but it sure didn't feel normal.
The other issue is....I am living in another country. So, I am still going through culture shock and inculturation. It is a odd process and it really difficult to express, but basically everything that is familiar and known to you is not there and it really makes you insecure. So something like having a baby brings up a lot of issues. You deal with being pregnant as all mothers, but then you have to figure out how to handle the differences and challenges of what that means in another culture and in a small town in my case. It brought up a lot of insecurities. All the things expecting parents are normally worried about seem compounded. So then you add the wacky hormones and a really busy husband and no friends or family around.......the first few months were....difficult. There were several weeks where I only left the house 2-3 times.
But, we are making our way. We found a nice doctor. We are slowly working out the issues and I am finding ways to deal with my insecurities and concerns. I totally agree with 9-10 months preparation before you reach the point of no return. Good one God.
The entire last few years has been an undescribable experience. I mean, my life now is nothing like it has been. I really just threw caution to the wind and instead of planning and organizing and knowing the next step. I have just taken one thing at a time and dealt with life as it comes. At first it was scary and then it was fun and now.......it's just weird.
I think the subconsciously I think I'll just magically appear in my "old life". I mean no one goes on sabbatical thinking that their life will radically change. I had no goals of achievement, just to be, to let go and to experience. Well.......life sure happened.
It has been a bigger transition into my life this year than I thought it would be, but sometimes if we know the final costs of something or the struggles maybe we are less likely to leap. So, given our ages and such we planned on getting pregnant ASAP. However, I really never expected that it would happen that quickly. I mean many people struggle and of course the dreaded...after 35....blah blah. So when I got pregnant 2 months after the wedding, we were both in shock.
I can't tell you how weird it is being pregnant. It's not really something that I ever paid a lot of attention to honestly. I mean....it was there in the background, but not anything I really thought out. I think being an older parent is also really different. I mean it's just been me for the past 15 years. Miss Independent me. Going where I want, doing what I want. Achieving, succeeding, giving, learning. So much of my life was focused on my ministry.
So, suddenly being struck with bizarre changes in my body and constant nausea and headaches and extreme fatigue was a major "out of control" experience. So much of my story the past couple of years has been about surrender. Well.....welcome to the next level. Your body is not your own and you have no control over what's happening to it. You're on this treadmill and there is no getting off. You just go with the changes as they come and deal with things moment to moment. I mean, if I read it in a book or on the internet as "normal" it pretty much happened to me, but it sure didn't feel normal.
The other issue is....I am living in another country. So, I am still going through culture shock and inculturation. It is a odd process and it really difficult to express, but basically everything that is familiar and known to you is not there and it really makes you insecure. So something like having a baby brings up a lot of issues. You deal with being pregnant as all mothers, but then you have to figure out how to handle the differences and challenges of what that means in another culture and in a small town in my case. It brought up a lot of insecurities. All the things expecting parents are normally worried about seem compounded. So then you add the wacky hormones and a really busy husband and no friends or family around.......the first few months were....difficult. There were several weeks where I only left the house 2-3 times.
But, we are making our way. We found a nice doctor. We are slowly working out the issues and I am finding ways to deal with my insecurities and concerns. I totally agree with 9-10 months preparation before you reach the point of no return. Good one God.
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