This entry will be for my faithful father who reads what little substance I post on here. (you're the best by the way)
As I enter week 3 of this journey, I am starting to notice things. I notice how I am used to having whatever I need at my disposal. I like to be prepared. I would have made a great girl scout. (I was a Blue Bird for a short time. I don't know if that counts) So living with very few material possessions is an interesting exercise. I do laundry much more frequently. I have less to worry about what to wear. I make due with what I have.
In addition, I have noticed how much I am used to and probably enjoy being in the middle of things. I like being busy solving, fixing, creating and helping. There has been an intensity to my life the past five years that is not quickly left behind. I find that I like being helpful, useful and the "go to girl". I am good at making things happen. So, possibly I will find myself with a new personal identity at the end of all of this. I could make guesses as to how, but that wouldn't be worth much. So, we'll just have to wait and see. All I know is I am having to detach myself from more than just my possessions. I'm letting go of what has made me feel useful and given me purpose. I think of all the teens, parents and people I have had the honor of helping over these past years and so it's time to think who I am and what I'm about without this right now. I am making a small difference to my nieces, but it's not the same.
I have to find my direction, energy and purpose from somewhere, something else. I do feel a bit more healthy with a regular schedule and somewhat regular exercise. This struggle with the intensity of life and obligation, responsiblilty and expectation is going to take a while to deal with I think. I'm sure you're thinking......uh yea how hard could it be. You don't have a job. You have little to worry about, what's the issue? I don't really know. Part of it is me I'm sure. I have to enjoy thriving on those things somehow. But at the same time. I do want balance and health. I've been doing so much for so long, I guess it takes a long time to unwind the clock.
On another note, I am currently reading The God of Intimacy and Action: Reconnecting Ancient Spiritual Practices, Evangelism, and Justice, (http://www.amazon.com/God-Intimacy-Action-Reconnecting-Evangelism/dp/0787987417 ) by Tony Campolo and Mary Darling. It was so generously sent to me by Scott Miller (who has a great blog site you should check out at http://www.dscottmiller.com/. Anyway, it's a fabulous read and very intriguing. I highly suggest it. Pick it up and we can read it together. To listen to a podcast of an interview with Dr. Campolo go to: http://www.dscottmiller.com/studio/index.htm
Peace,
L
5 comments:
Dearest Daughter,
I'm signed on at last. I'm so proud of the journey you're taking towards self discovery. It's a very wise and brave thing to do and never forget that growth is painful...but always rewarding. Keep on keeping on.
Su Madre
hi grav -
it is interesting to ask the question "if i take away the "doing" and focus on the "being," who am i, and who am i becoming? i have pondered the same question in the not so distant past, and it is definitely food for thought. it is so easy to become a "human doing" rather than a "human being!" good luck with the process of focusing on the "being" part of the equation. you'll get there. maybe in 12 years i'll join you in the process.
and pray for us - we're deciding if we should have lyndsay skip first grade and go on to second. lots of things to consider.
love ya sista!
~reath
one more thing....
have you ever read anything by anthony demello? you might want to check him out. he's all about detachment.
Daughter,
You notice things because ... you have slowed down, taken time for yourself and taken time to smell the roses?
You will always be prepared because you know what to prepare and how to prepare.
As for the posessions ...
Matthew 19:21
Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."
You have not placed your light under a basket, you are letting it shine. The Holy Spirit the Lord the giver of life is directing your life and your light. You are a great example my dearest daughter.
Love you, Dad
Thanks for all the great comments. I feel I'm getting far more credit than I deserve, but thanks none the less. It's just what happened. It's not really because of some large conspiracy on my part. It just happened.
It will be interesting to see what comes of it all though. I hope it encourages others to do and be what they need to as well.
Each of you have played a special role in the process as well. Thanks!
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