Nicaragua Respite

Greetings all!

I am now toward the final phase in this first insalment of my sabbatical. It is so funny. It's almost as if I planned this trip out, but really I haven't. It has planned me. I am at Hacienda Merida. A great eco-friendly place right on the lake. See http://www.hmerida.com/ I have arrived in Merida, Nicaragua which is on the southern shore of Ometepe Island, which is made of 2 volcanos in the middle of Lake Nicaragua. It is the 3rd largest fresh water lake in the Americas. There are almost 400 islands throughout this beautiful lake. I have posted some photos on photobucket site. There are some amazing one's of last night's sunset. (I promise, I'm not trying to make you jealous.)
Some of you have mentioned that my own experience and my thoughts have helped your own interior dialogue. So, I even though it seems a bit odd, I will go ahead and share another journal entry written Dec 14th.

So, I have a week left to go. 6 weeks of adventure have passed. I am really looking forward to this last week. It will be a great way to conclude this wild ride. I have been desiring a place to just exist and not do much from all the hustle and bustle. It seems that it has been a nice pace looking back. 3 weeks of rest and 3 weeks of travel and seeing things. My Aunt Mary keeps asking me, where is the slowing down and being more introspective and I'm sure it seems very hectic reading all that I've been doing. As best I can tell, I feel this is how it's suposed to be at this point. It's all part of the process. I don't know why or what yet, but I trust in the unfolding. I think it's somewhat of a purgation. My soul has been craving rest and quiet and yet when I have it, I don't know what to do with it. I did have a nice rest in San Marcos, but I still couldn't relax. It is much more difficult than just not doing anything. I can't belive it's this hard. Part of all fo this is to stretch me To take away comfort and self-reliance. I think the way this first part of the trip has unfolded is to get me down to nothing. To be in the moment and not 10 steps ahead. I have become more attentive to the present and much more patient with the unfolding of each day. Instead of expecting and pushing, I allow myself to be guided. It is so weird all of this.

I will say that a genuine smile goes a long way. People are great if you all them to be kind, generous and helpful. Maybe this is part of it, to allow others to help me. Like Margarita in Guatemala. After our 45 minute conversation about her situation and her life, she didn't even want to accept the equivalent of 50 cents from me. Just listening to her was enough and sharing hope and faith. So to be in a position where I can't do everything myself, this is progress. Like with my house. There was little I could do. It sat vacant for 2 months and is just now rented thank God. But I did not allow it to occupy my time or worry about it. I do feel a bit healthier with each passing week. I feel more relaxed and centered even in stressful situations. So, I guess I'm learning new ways to handle the stresses of life, for they are always present. I don't worry or freak out. I just take each thing as it comes. So quiet maybe is not to be for this leg of the journey, but other lessons. I know my body is mostly more healthy. My Spanish has improved, although everyone can tell I have a Mexican accent. It's funny. I do know now that I need some private tutoring. I want that next level of proficiency. So, I'll have to figure out how to get that done.

I have been needing a lot of sleep, probably from the heat and travel. I go to bed before 9 usually and up before 7. Super weird if you know me. Waking isn't too difficult. It's amazing. The food for the most part has been very healthy, but I am hungrier than I've ever been before. Who knows.

Yesterday, was a bit odd. I'm not sure what to make of it. I took the bus to San Nicolas with a woman named Carmen, who I also met through my random bus contact Don Sly. She introduced me to various people in their community organization. They weren't totally sure what I wanted out of the experience, because I really didn't know either. It was a bit random, but again, just go with the flow and let it be. I did learn a lot. (I mentioned all this in my earlier blog entry). What I loved is that it is started and run by the people, not by some government program or NGO. The Romero community I visited consists of a group of people who resettled from Panama, where they were in exile during the war. The area is very prone to flooding, but it is home. So they have created an intricate system of community involvement, a strategic plan, improved sanitation, drinking water, emergency shelters, radio communication between sites. They have youth programs that include art and theatre. They also have a volunteer program that depends on your interest and ability (so if you want something to go do for a while, let me know). It is a base community model and self-directed. It's very impressive and inspirational. I keep seeing possible ways I can help others, but I am not ready to commit yet. That is the key. Staying open until I am really ready and not forcing things to happen. Staying in the uncertainty and being okay with it.

I am also paying attention to what makes me happy when I talk about my life with others. I think that there are some core areas that make me the most alive. Young people, teaching, counseling. I don't know what to do with it, but I can't hide from it or ignore it. I know I don't like to be stuck behind a desk or living someone else's dream. I am not a paper pusher. I like working with people and being involved in their lives and helping them become the best they can be. So, this is what it is for now. The next step may involve going back to school, but I am okay with this. It would just be the money holding me back and of course, I can work around this. I am happiest helping others and it never feels like work. I think this is what passion should be about, so why have I been afraid to fully jump into it? Why this circuitous route? Not a clue, but it is not for me to worry about. It is all for the good and nothing is wasted. My life has been rich and full of so many wonderful people. The pace and the form of it is what is key for the future. Something managable and sustainable and has meaning and purpose for me. Life cannot get out of hand. Not too much to ask right? I do tend to get wrapped up in beaurocracy and tension of other people's expecations. I need distance in a healthy way. To know my center and not be strayed from it. Like right now, I have calm in the storm; patience for the unfolding. I get idealistic and wound up in performing other people's desires or working for my sense of justice. I get lost. I want to minister, not perform. So knowing what grounds me is key. I am so blessed to have this time.

Anyway, welcome to my private thoughts. I hope all is well for each of you this advent and you are richly enjoying the life you have been given.